Nuffnage

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

My Journey Towards Clearer Skin

Ask me what products I have not tried on the market, I have tried hundred of products out there. All the bombastic, famous products over the years (exaggerated but still) to get rid of my acne outta my face but nothing works. Literally NOTHING. From Silky Girl to Neutrogena to OXY to BioEssence to NIVEA to Clean and Clear, even to Clear and Clear but no clear face and I tried expensive products like SK II and Clinique too. Yes you name it. I have pretty much purchased every acne product you see on the shelves in Guardian & Watson. No I am not saying the products aren't good but this skin problem I have gotten on is becoming way too severe. It's really my 'FACE PROBLEM'.

I have attempted plenty of techniques too, to control my acne, with hope that it will work but alas my skin remained as it always was. The level of disappointment is insanely frustrating. All I wish was just bury my face in the bed all day, all night long. Every time when I looked in the mirror, I would be crying a little inside, felt very self-conscious about my blemishes. 

No I do not photographed my acne journey. I should have taken photos to illustrate the progress I made but I hate taking pictures when I had acne. But I took a few pictures anyways so I could look back and see the changes over time.



Fuhhh, My skin looks perfectly fine,no? Flawless, but I am very certain you do not want to see what's underneath the make up.
Me when I was 16. My skin used to be pretty darn close to perfect but it gets horrendously oily at my T-zone. I am pretty sure I wasn't aware of the skin care products at that time. Hmmm...
 My face broke out terribly, severely at the point of my life when I hit 22 where I was completely lacking of self-esteem and confidence.What a bad timing. This picture is awful but it is the best way I can show how bad my acne was. 



This picture was taken when I was doing my exchange programme in the US. Yes my acne came back attacked me twice stronger when I was there. Insanely wrong timing. 

I looked at others' face. Then I looked at my acne everyday ): Well obviously I was very depressed with my appearance. Who doesn't?
Each and every part of my face was literally covered by acne! Craze craze!

When I actually put on make up for once + plus filter + good lighting! Not bad kan! Hihi
But I am never pleased with the coverage I get from make up...

This was in Miami and imagine wearing bikini with this face. So not SEXY huh. By looking at my old pictures made feel like crying. 

.I remember each acne being so painful and itchy. I can't help but feeling gross all the time but I still picked on them, trying to get rid from my face.

Even my favorite drink couldn't cheer me up 


Make up can't cover my acne.

I remembered trying products but it didn't work,at all. I remembered my dermatologist promised to find a miracle cure for me. I remembered the way people stared at me. I remembered people I have not met for long asking me about my face. I remembered the pain on my face when I washed it. I remembered the struggle I had to go through everyday...

But I am not giving up! NEVER.

I started to lurk on forums and threads regarding acne's treatment, home remedies for acne, I have tried so many remedies. Again, ask me la what I have no tried? Haha. Here's I am gonna share with you all the home remedies I have tried.



Home Remedies that I have tried:
  1. Apple Cider Vinegar. I used a cotton ball and dipped it with vinegar and applied it to my blemish. I applied it all over my face somtimes, when I got ultra upset,lol. (Hello, why no emoji on blogger?) I want to put that smiling crying face. OK it doesn't end there. I even drink it for quite sometimes. I had to mix it with water, it tastes awful...
  2. Honey- I applied it to my acne scars overnight. It doesn't work as I still have active breakouts. It just stained on my bedsheet. Oh well it's honey anyway.
  3. Lemon- Lemons are expensive and I bought it just to apply it on face. haha pathetic. Squeeze it into juice and use cotton ball apply it on my scar overnight. Hopeful that the redness will get lighter. Again it doesn't really work cause I still have active breakouts. Beware if you want to use this method cause you put yourself at risk of getting itching, redness and even facial swelling!
  4. What else? Tomato. Tak jadi jugak...
  5. Tea tree oil- Started using tea tree products including facial wash as well as tea tree mask.
  6. Aloe vera gel- Used varities of aloe vera gel from different companies. It soothes as well as reduces inflammation but it doesn't stop acne from breaking out.
  7. Baking soda. I should have taken a picture of me with baking soda. It was hilarious. Haha.
  8. Extra Virgin Olive Oil! I used olive oil everyday before I go to bed. Only started this remedy when I was on accutane. I was supposed to wash it off after 10 minutes but I sometimes slept without removing it from my face when I get lethargic. I got it from Pasaraya Giant, can't barely remember the brand. But I choose the cheapest extra virgin olive oil on the rack. Well life as a student. haha. The only cure for acne scars that works wonderfully for me!!! It works. I strongly recommend this method to cure acne scar!
  9. Tumeric Powder-this method is tedious, I will always get nasty yellow stains on my face and hand after washing em off.
This is perfect! I mean just look at my picture. Haha. Craze craze.
Low key hiding my face with my hair sometimes...
With my hair flipped over my face you can barely tell I am wearing madly ridiculous pimples on my face. No I did not use foundation or any products to conceal my face. I am over all products when my acne got severe.



Nothing really cleared it up. I got to the point where I have no freaking idea what to put on my disastrous skin anymore! ):


Then this was the day when I decided to take a taxi all by myself from home to a skin clinic in Kedah which is an hour away from my house. The urge of wanting a better skin, clearer skin, acne free face came abruptly! I no longer care about the world. Tears rolled down from my cheek profusely and ready to storm off to any dermatologist who was willing to give me ACCUTANE. I was so thankful that my mom was being very, ultimately supportive towards my decision. Maybe it hurts her to see me cried. She hired a cab for me instantly and there I went all the way from Perlis to Kedah. I determined to get rid all of pimples and vowed to obtain a clearer skin and not going to let acne BRING ME DOWN, ever again! I was dying to look out for accutane. Accutane is my last resort! 

Oh ya know I have seen like two dermatologist before that. The first one gave me antibiotics but it was a complete disaster and I stopped taking the antibiotics! Can't remember what's the name of the antibiotics tho. I was too young too dumb to realize. It was a complete NIGHT-MARE! I felt as tho that was when everything in life didn't seem right. How can my face be so ugly...
No you do not want to feel what I felt. 

Then I visited a different dermatologist and diedie begged him for accutane but he turned me down and yet again the doctor gave me antibiotics instead. He even told me that my acne wouldn't simply go away on its own because of my genes. Hello doctor, that's not what I want to hear from you!!! I had no idea why but the more antibiotics I took it , my face condition started to get from mild and moderate acne to severe acne!


This was the medicine he gave me.

I nearly GAVE UP when neither of those medicines worked. Feeling doomed, feeling helpless. Huhuhuhuhu (the longest huhu in life).

Me every time, everyday... Acne is gnarly!

Look at that flaky skin ): I start to avoid hanging out with people and I swear I would never have the guts to go out without makeup. Sumpah tak lawak duh.
It was very hard to convince my mom that I want to get started on Accutane, because it is such a serious drug. She was worried but I tell her to give me time, if it doesn't get any better I will stop. Accutane is so powerful that it is very likely to cause birth defects, miscarriage or even death of the baby... yes it is dangerous. So if any of you is expecting are not encourage to take this drug at all! It really is serious stuff. 


Bear in mind that everyone's body react differently to this drug. I did my research and asked a few people on accutane on instagram before jumping into conclusion of taking accutane. The side effects are entirely different, for men and women.




I was on 10mg Accutane all the way from first month to fifth month. Again, I do not photographed my accutane journey. All my pictures throughout my accutane journey were kept in my Samsung Note 2 which is dead now, only left a few on FB but the quality sucks. I apologized for that. ):


1st Month( Sept/Oct 2014)
To be exact, I have suffered and struggled with acne for almost 4 years. From mild to moderate and to severe when I have decided to take accutane. When it first started, it wasn't that bad. But my face condition went down to the drain as the day goes by. 

This was also the first month I interned and I always felt as tho so many people starred at my breakouts. I thanked God that I did my internship as an engineer trainee where I have to work with men most of the time and I personally feel that they do not judge or judge less compare to women. But I definitely felt self conscious and not pretty.

Yes I had acne on my back and upper part of my chest too. No strappy tops and open shoulders.No don't come and tell me I don't scrub my body when I bath. The acne just bound to grow!

I did not see much of a difference but I am still hopeful that things will turn around. 

Second Month (Nov 2014)
I felt like starting a blog/insta page on my journey to acne free face but little did I know I wasn't ready to publish my acne face publicly, just yet...

And guess what? I started to see more improvement,happy with my progress so far. That was fast compare to other accutane users.

3rd Month (Dec 2014)
I started to see more and more improvement after consuming it for three months. My redness was slowly gone now and scars were less noticeable. Faith in myself is slowly restored... My skin was still very dry and flaky and of course chapped lips too but I was fortunate enough I did not experience anything too severe. I barely apply any makeups such as foundation, BB cream as I am really taking care of my skin except eyeliner and lip gloss. Yang itu is a must lah. That's all. 

Moreover I was doing my internship with a oil and gas company which do not required me to put on makeup so great! My colleagues started to notice that my face condition is getting better and some of them even advised me to take care of diet. 
'Jangan makan sotong udang semua.' 
'Hang pantang sikit mulut tu, nanti muka dah cantik. 
Yes I am surrounded by thoughtful men. Haha.
The photo quality sucks. Nevertheless, my skin was so much better huh? At least my forehead was all cleared up. Can finally live life without make up.

Who would want to wear make up in coverall?! I looked like a zombie.


4th Month(Jan 2015)


Somedays I feel my face is completely clear and that's what makes me going! I still have some redness and scarring but I am totally fine with it. I am excited to finally have clear skin.


5th Month(Feb 2015)
Finally seeing some stupendous results! This is when I start to regain my confidence. Skin is really doing well and some hyper pigmentation. but other than that no new breakouts! Like finally I wake up without having pimples on my face hahaha. I couldn't be any happier, Hard to believe I am this far along. I felt like I did laser to my face! I still get one or two acne on my face but ya know when ya used to have thousands of acne on your face. Two is perfectly ah-mazing!
So I stopped taking accutane after 5 months! yeay!!

Can't remember when was this picture taken but definitely after Accutane but my skin was very pale and yes dry lips.


And today who would have thought that I am acne free. Oh no I lied, I still get it once in a while but I am totally fine with it. Having to live with more than 10 pimple when I woke up, I am absolutely fine with one or two small tiny spots. I remembered looking at the mirror and cursed :" What the hell did you do to my face Lord?'. My skin sill isn't flawless nor perfect, but it's definitely improved. So much that I feel very comfortable to go out without concealer, CC, BB powder, the works.

But I am so grateful that God has tested with awful skin on my face. Being a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and I am personally experiencing this struggle for a reason I may not know. But I never GIVE UP. I fight for what I want. I no longer have painful acne it's all healing up! I am ultimately grateful!

Despite feeling ugly, everyone around me loves me and I am amazed by how much they don't care about a little or a lot of blemishes I get.
 I am constantly, on a daily basis, amazing by how flawless seemingly my dear friends' skin looks compared to mine!!!

 This was before I went off to the States when I broke out terribly...
These two love me despite my acne and flaws that they see. Am so very touched lah!
Friends who were there , thank you.

 I am absolutely in a much more peaceful place of self love now. I learned how to love myself before others. I feel beautiful and love myself for all that I am. It has been a very painful and often embarrassing journey. People who don't suffer from acne wouldn't completely understand how much cystic acne can impact our life and confidence . Even doctor cannot seem to understand why I want to consume accutane and putting myself through so many risky side effects of medication.

 I can't believe that I can finally say I am happy with my skin now, feel nothing but absolutely great about it. This acne journey was definitely worth it, it taught me so many lessons in life. Being able to be happy with myself is all that matters. My skin may be not be porcelain-like what you see from the pictures. In real life, there are acne scars but it's something that I can live with.

IF you ask me what I have learned throughout this journey?
I am definitely humbled by this very long, arduous journey!

Maybe if I were pretty since I was born, I would be like this... Who knows?


Hahaha.

Hair toss everytime when I get compliments...
#nofilterselfie
Of course, I still have some scarring and bumpy texture on my face from the ravages of the lifelong battle. But well it's something that I can live with it. I am considering doing laser treatment too when I start working. (:


Before I end my post(I know it's too long!), I want to share this drink/supplement I have been drinking for the past four months.
Mommy asked me to drink this fruit juice called 4Life Transfer Factor RioVida once I came back home right after I graduated.
And this juice works wonder!!! 
I called it MAGIC JUICE! 
I no longer experiencing premenstrual flares!!! How is that possible?? I can't believe the effects this juice gave me myself! It's ah-mazing!! Everyone should try it out. I get those glowy glowing skin ya know even without makeup. No I am not selling the products. But you can definitely ask me about it. It's quite pricey but definitely worth every penny.
Here's benefits of 4life Riovida Juice


When I looked back, I do not know where I found that courage and strength in me but I am beyond glad to have made it thus far! Good lighting helps in this picture. Hehe.
I have tried the hardest to stay positive through these journey despite what I am feeling inside. If anyone of you is going through this now, I can totally relate to you. You just need to be a little patience. We are on the road to change and confidence!

Picture taken a week ago with BB cream and sunscreen (:


If you want to know what products I am currently using now or any concerns or comments, kindly let me know by leaving a comment down below or email me at chiaweilim92@gmail.com
Thank you so much for reading! 
Keep your faith strong. The best is yet to come...(X Cheers! 

Disclaimer: Everything I shared is absolutely my personal experience and anecdotal what worked for me may not apply/work for you, and vice versa.